Hello guys, on this weeks blog post we would be talking about the common dating mistakes
most of us make when we get into a new relationship. Some times we make this mistakes out
of ignorance. Only if we knew better, right!!!
1.Fantasizing about the future:While men are typically (not always) the masters of game
playing, women have this one down. When you catch yourself trying on his last name before
the third date, it's time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a
relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It
creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with "falling in love." This might as
well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your
faculties; your brain is hijacked by those lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to
think clearly. Until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a
wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly get attached
to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up
unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship
doesn't work out.
2.Game playing:This strategy is usually employed for one of two reasons. The first is to
protect one's ego. When it comes to dating, everyone, on some level, fears rejection. Playing
it cool and not getting too involved may make you feel safe, but you risk coming across as
aloof or remote, and may turn the other person off. Balance between demonstrating interest
and maintaining your composure is best. Another reason people play games is to get
something you want that you wouldn't likely get if you played it straight. For example, telling
someone you love him or her so they will sleep with you, and then not calling them again.
This form of manipulation is simply unacceptable (to put it mildly), and does not lead to
healthy relationships. You will get further in less time in finding a relationship if you allow
yourself to be genuine. It's OK to put your best foot forward, and also to be a bit cautious, but
have the courage to be upfront and show who you are.
3.Talking too much about your ex:While this information will eventually be shared at least to
some extent, it shouldn't be discussed in detail during the initial phase of a relationship. You
want to get to know the person and each have a chance for a fresh start. Carrying old baggage
into a new relationship amounts to clutter. If you have baggage, then best to work it out in
individual therapy before pursuing a new relationship, at least to a point where it isn't
affecting your reactions and clouding your judgment.
4. Obsessing over details: This one is common with those who worry. The worry may be a
general habit, but now it is turned on the subject of the relationship: worry about what the
other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry
about the relationship not working out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your
parents react...on and on. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to
a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Try to tap into your self-confidence and
trust that if the relationship is meant to work out, it will.
5. Ignoring red flags: If someone doesn't show up when you're supposed to meet, that's a red
flag. If they don't let you call them at
home, yep, red flag. If they kick their dog, bingo, red flag. Of course, there are more subtle
warnings that one may be tempted to overlook, especially if one is eager for the relationship
to work out. While one shouldn't jump to conclusions without sufficient evidence on the first
problem that arises, an emerging pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under
the rug. Address these problems early, and don't waste your time.
6. Interrogating your date: "How many children do you want" is not a good opening sentence.
You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes, but not press someone for
information. Let things evolve a bit, as you get to know someone. Patience and restraint are
required here, even though you may feel pressed for time. Do your best to relax and have fun.
7. Avoidance of intimacy: While this one is traditionally men's domain, women are quickly
catching up in the fear of commitment zone. Modern society imposes so many requirements
and expectations on what makes for a "good catch," and that makes it hard to sort through
whether someone would be a good choice for us. We don't want to "settle," and the quest for
the perfect mate can cause us to overlook or undervalue a truly good partner. Alternatively,
we might be so fearful of getting hurt, betrayed or rejected, that we exit stage left just as the
play gets going. If fear of commitment is an obstacle, better to work out your patterns